Friday, March 15, 2013

Misleading from Behind

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Last January, House Speaker John Boehner tried to have a serious talk with Barack Obama about our nation's spending problem - and was surprised when Barry declared that "we don't have a spending problem."

But not willing to rest on his laurels, the World's Greatest Liar topped himself yet again in a recent interview with ABC's George Stephanopoulos, declaring that there is no debt crisis which needs to be addressed.

And as long as he was on a roll, the president also claimed that the decision to lock school children out of Whitehouse tours was entirely the idea of the meanies in the Secret Service, which even spokesweasel Jay Carney had to concede was untrue.

All of which begs the increasingly important question of whether Barack Hussein Obama is simply a pathological liar or if he's certifiably insane - unable to tell the difference between the real world of facts, math, and logic and his imaginary world of solar-powered rainbows and cotton candy clouds, where he rides bareback atop a powerful, sweating unicorn named "Reggie" while gripping the mighty beast's horn. Mostly.

Hope n' Change thinks that, sequester cuts notwithstanding, the American people should come up with enough money to have the president's mental state assessed, so we can determine whether he belongs in a cell...or a padded cell.

Which, now that we think of it, is the same set of choices we should be considering for the voters who put this damaged man in office...and the mainstream media sychophants who keep him there.

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Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Blowing Smoke

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Well, that didn't take very long.  On Tuesday, only hours after House Republicans presented a sweeping budget plan which would balance the budget in 10 years without raising taxes, Barack Obama rejected it categorically saying that it was "the wrong course for America"...because it doesn't raise taxes.

According to presidential spokesweasel Jay Carney, "the president believes that mobs should attack the wealthiest Americans with mortars and rocket-propelled grenades, and their fancy walled estates should be set on fire causing those inside to choke to death like our late Ambassador in Benghazi."

Okay, those weren't his exact words - but it was clearly his meaning. What Carney actually said was "Deficit reduction that asks nothing from the wealthiest Americans has serious consequences for the middle class." Although offhand, the only consequences we can think of would be allowing members of the middle class to get jobs, get off foodstamps, and regain some reason for living.

Of course, the Democrats haven't come to the budget table empty-handed. Stunningly, they've presented their first Senate budget in four years! That means they've had lots of time to work on it and get everything exactly right! Not!

The Democrat's "plan" not only doesn't balance the budget in 10 years, it doesn't balance the budget ever. It does, however, add $1 trillion in new taxes (presumably "the right course for America" in Obama's eyes) and cancel the sequester cuts so schoolkids can once again take tours of the Whitehouse and see where the president stores his golf clubs.

But since neither Paul Ryan's fiscal courage or Barack Obama's socialist plans to redistribute wealth are really news, perhaps we should instead turn our attention to the activities at the Vatican, where the world anxiously awaits the election of a new, infallible Pope.

By longheld tradition, all eyes are trained on a small chimney: black smoke means there's no Pope, white smoke means there's a new Pope.

If, however, the smoke is half-white and half-black, it means that Obama is Pope...and that we should all say a prayer for the Catholics.

Monday, March 11, 2013

There Hugo Again

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Although death is always a sensitive subject to discuss, Hugo Chavez reminds us that even if you take really good care of yourself, it's possible to be cruelly struck down in the prime of your dictatorship - leaving nothing behind but tears, memories, and - oh yeah! - your waxy corpse laid out on display like a buffet at the Golden Corral.

So popular has the display of Chavez's body been in Venezuela over the past few days that the decision has been made to make him a permanent museum exhibit, much like the preserved bodies of Vladimir Lenin, Mao Zedong, and - if rumor is to be believed - John Dillinger's humongoid ladypleaser.

All of which got Hope n' Change thinking about the importance of preplanning for the inevitable, and hoping that somewhere on a shelf in Washington, plans exist for the public display of our own president in case the absolutely unthinkable happens, much as it did last election day. And seriously, what could represent a legacy of "transparency" more than a glass coffin? The very thought brings a tear to our eye.

Of course, we hope that this doesn't happen for many, many, many years - or possibly ever. After all, there's ample evidence that Barack Obama may be immortal.

It would certainly explain why he thinks he'll have tens of thousands of years to pay back the money he's borrowing today.

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Bonus! Free Obamaphone with a hole in one!